


Checking Up

by chainsawdog



Series: Order Abandoned [9]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-09 01:39:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6883813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chainsawdog/pseuds/chainsawdog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rex finds Ahsoka writing about her last mission. He's concerned for her well-being, after dealing with the Geonosian parasite crisis. They have some time to talk with one another.</p><p>This takes place after the events of Brain Invaders.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Rex found Ahsoka in a spare room at the Temple, writing something in a datapad. She stashed it in a draw when she heard the door whirr open. As she turned to see who had entered, she relaxed, smiling and letting her shoulders fall.  
  
“Oh,” she said. “It’s you.”  
  
“What were you doing?” Rex asked.  
  
“Uh…” Ahsoka glanced at the draw in which she’d shut the datapad. “Writing,” she answered.  
  
“You’re acting pretty guilty for someone just doing some writing,” Rex replied. He sat down across from her.  
  
Ahsoka hung her head. “I was adding a name to my list,” she said quietly. “Trap. He died on the medical frigate – I couldn’t save him.”  
  
Rex raised an eyebrow, but remained silent.  
  
Ahsoka sighed. “I’m keeping a list so I don’t forget them,” she said. Her voice was tinged with sorrow.  
  
“Aren’t you Jedi supposed to let go of attachments?” Rex asked, his voice soft.  
  
Her shoulder raised in a half shrug. “I can’t stop myself from remembering their deaths,” she replied. “So I thought I would make sure I remembered their lives, too.”  
  
When she glanced at Rex, she saw there were tears in his eyes.  
  
“Oh,” she said. “I’m – I’m sorry Rex, I didn’t mean to –”  
  
Rex held up a hand. “No, kid,” he said. “It’s okay. I just wasn’t expecting… this.”  
  
Ahsoka pressed her lips together, frowning. “Do you think…”  
  
Rex waited for her to continue.  
  
“Do you think this makes me a bad Jedi?” she asked, in a small voice.  
  
Rex stood up and walked to her side. He crouched to her level, and looked into her eyes.  
  
“I don’t know what makes a good Jedi, sir,” he said. “But I think you’re a damned good person. Or – Togruta.” He smiled. “You know what I mean. You have a good heart, kid.”  
  
Ahsoka closed her eyes, trying not to cry. Taking a deep breath in, she looked at Rex. “Was there something you needed, Captain?”  
  
Rex’s smile was sad as he answered. “You don’t need to stand on formalities, Ahsoka,” he said.  
  
Ahsoka smiled in return. “I know,” she said. “It still feels… weird. I’m glad, but at the same time…”  
  
“I know what you mean,” he replied. There was a pause. Then, “I just wanted to check in with you. Make sure you’re doing okay.”  
  
Ahsoka shrugged. “They released me from the infirmary this morning,” she said. “I feel fine.”  
  
Rex studied her for a moment, then stood. “You want to get something to eat?” he asked.  
  
Ahsoka raised an eyebrow. “I suppose I should,” she said, getting out of her chair.


	2. Chapter 2

Ahsoka and Rex ended up in the mess hall of the clone barracks. They each grabbed a tray of food and found a reasonably quiet place to eat. The mess hall was mostly empty, a few stragglers to lunch still in the room. Ahsoka recognised Waxer and Boil, and raised a hand in greeting.  
  
“You know,” said Rex, as he took his seat. “You’re pretty much the only Jedi who ever comes down here.”  
  
Ahsoka looked at him, unsure of what to say. “Is… is that a bad thing?”  
  
Rex shook his head. “Nah,” he said. “You’re free to go wherever you want in the Temple, aren’t you?”  
  
“Well, I think so,” said Ahsoka. “But I’m not being a bother or anything, am I?”  
  
“You’re not,” said Rex.  
  
“What did you want to talk about, Rex?”  
  
Rex sighed, and put down his fork. “I… was worried about you,” he said quietly. “What happened on that medical transport took a toll on the men.” He looked at his tray of food. “Parasites that can control someone’s mind? That would mess with anyone.”  
  
“I’m all right, Rex,” said Ahsoka.  
  
Rex looked up at her. “I don’t believe that, kid,” he said. “Do you blame yourself for Trap’s death? Is that why you’re writing his name in your list?”  
  
Ahsoka didn’t meet his eyes as she answered.  
  
“I had to make a lot of decisions,” she said quietly. “And I could have messed up… really badly. If my plan hadn’t worked. I would have risked everyone else because I couldn’t kill Barriss.” She sighed, and rested her chin in her hand. “I don’t blame myself for Trap,” she continued. “But I wish I could have done something more.”  
  
Rex rapped his knuckles lightly against Ahsoka's shoulder. “Kid, you’re what, fourteen?”  
  
Ahsoka raised an eyebrow at him.  
  
“You’re young,” said Rex. “You’re good at what you do. You need to be kinder to yourself. You’re doing the best you can.”  
  
Ahsoka frowned. “What if it’s not good enough?” she asked quietly.  
  
Rex paused, thinking of what to say next. Ahsoka took his silence to mean he didn't want to answer.  
  
“Don’t worry about it,” Ahsoka picked at her food. “It’s dumb anyway. I want to help people, and if being a Jedi – being a soldier – is how I do that, then I’m to keep doing it. I’ll just have to get better at it.”  
  
Rex watched her carefully. He had a feeling that he just needed to let her talk.  
  
She sighed and put her fork down. “I’m sick of being the ‘kid,’ Rex,” she said. “I’m sick of being useless. I should have been able to let go of Barriss.”  
  
Ahsoka closed her eyes, and took a deep breath in. “But Master Skywalker said it was okay that I couldn’t. He said it’s our job to save as many people as possible. But I wasn’t thinking of that. I was thinking how hard it would be to live if I let her die.”  
  
Rex frowned. “Is that a bad thing?” he asked.  
  
“Jedi are not supposed to… we don’t fear dying,” she said. “When something dies, it becomes a part of the Living Force. So even when we die we’re still around, you know? We shouldn’t mourn our dead because they’re… just different than when they were alive. I think.”  
  
“You found a way to save as many people as possible, Ahsoka,” said Rex. “Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?”  
  
Ahsoka wrinkled her nose and twisted her mouth. “I suppose,” she said. “I think that’s what Anakin meant.”  
  
They ate for a while in silence. Then Ahsoka turned to look at the Captain.  
  
“What about you, Rex?” she asked.  
  
“Hm?” Rex looked up from his tray. “What do you mean?”  
  
“How… how are you?”  
  
Rex smiled. “I’m fine,” he said. He looked around the room. “Just fine.”  
  
Ahsoka raised an eyebrow, but didn’t push him to speak.  
  
“Barriss said something to me,” Ahsoka said, wanting to keep the conversation going. “It made me think. I’ve trained my whole life to be a peacekeeper, but I’m a warrior. I don’t know if I can be both those things at once, if I don’t know how to… I don’t know what to do when I’m not on the battlefield. I don’t think Anakin knows, either.”  
  
“That man’s a fighter, for sure,” said Rex. “I’ve never seen another Jedi so willing to put their own life in danger, to do what needs to be done. I’ve only ever seen him pull back for the safety of others.”  
  
Ahsoka sighed. “I know,” she said. “It worries me. And then _he_ tells _me_ not to be so reckless!”  
  
Rex chuckled. “He’s just trying to be a good teacher, Ahsoka,” he said. “Skywalker… he cares about you.”  
  
“I know,” said Ahsoka, smiling. “But at least Master Kenobi _follows_ the advice he gives me.” She rolled her eyes. “Even if he doesn’t always make sense.”  
  
“Cody says he’s a good General,” said Rex. “And he seems to be a good man. He certainly makes Skywalker happy, when they’re not at each others’ throats. And when the higher-ups are happy, it makes everything easier.”  
  
“Yeah,” said Ahsoka. “Sometimes I worry that Skyguy doesn’t know when to stop.”  
  
“What about you?” asked Rex.  
  
Ahsoka glanced at him.  
  
“Do you know when to stop?” he clarified.  
  
Ahsoka frowned. “I think so,” she said. “Why? Do you think I don’t?”  
  
“I think you’re a lot like Anakin,” Rex said. “In a lot of ways. I think that you put other people before yourself, even at risk to your own life.”  
  
“And?”  
  
Rex gave a one-shoulder shrug. “Sometimes the best way to do your job is to look out for yourself. Make sure you make it through the battle. Make it to the next day. You can help more people alive than you can dead.”  
  
“I guess,” said Ahsoka.  
  
Rex patted Ahsoka on the shoulder. “Come on,” he said, standing up. “If you’re feeling up to it, we can probably find somewhere to play hologames?”  
  
Ahsoka smiled gratefully at him. As she stood, she said, “I’m feeling pretty beat, actually, Rex. I might go back to my rooms and sleep.”  
  
“That sounds like a good plan, Ahsoka. Take care of yourself.”  
  
“You too, Rex.”  
  
They parted ways there; Rex heading into the barracks, Ahsoka heading back to the Temple. She felt a little better for talking to him. It was strange, how that worked. Sometimes talking just made things worse, but this time it hadn’t. Ahsoka was grateful that Rex had come to find her – she couldn’t have approached him with her problems even if she’d wanted to. It was nice to know he cared that much about her.  
  
Things had been different, since she’d found out about Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Padmé. Ahsoka felt as though there was a disconnect between her life as a Jedi and her role in their family. What the three of them had wasn’t something a Jedi should have even wanted.  
  
They’d told Ahsoka she was part of it. Their family. Rex knew, too. Did that make him part of their family? Ahsoka didn’t really know how to have a family. She wasn’t sure Obi-Wan or Anakin did, either. The three of them – Anakin, Obi-Wan and herself – had only ever known the Jedi Order. Well, Anakin had known another life, once, but he never talked about it.  
  
Could she be a Jedi and have a family? Were they allowed to have this?  
  
Ahsoka squared her shoulders, and decided she’d talk to Anakin as soon as she got the chance.


End file.
